I was encouraged by a dear friend to share not just what I did on the 9th of July, but why I did it. Here goes:

Making up my mind.

If you love democracy and you love freedom, you've got to agree with the 8 'demands' of the Bersih 2.0, right?

Strangely enough, our government didn't agree. They didn't want to talk, nor did they want to hear any of it. They began acting strange, and as if right out of their crisis management handbook, came up with the following to deter Bersih 2.0 from gaining popular assent:

In the span of a few weeks, Bersih was a manic morphing machine. It was -
A tool of the Opposition;
No, no, communists;
No, foreign powers;
They have Christian financiers;
A Chinese masterplan to use simple-minded Malays to gain political mileage (The racial card always works - nevermind that the Bersih chairperson was a lady of Indian descent).
Anti-Islam;
A ploy to overthrow the government;
A threat to society and the economic well-being of the country.

Why, oh, why didn't their PR office coordinate their stories? Insult my intelligence only. Come on, government, the least you could do is deny the charges of corruption and try and prove elections were as fair as you can get it to be (just try).

Then they outlawed a colour.

As the days passed, it became increasingly difficult to ignore the Bersih story. I started to feel really annoyed and angry at how the government was side-stepping the issue of the electoral process and instead spent their time demonising a legitimate, civil movement. 

Anger and annoyance led to a realisation that the more citizens kept silent, the longer the people will be repressed under a regime terrified of change. Inside of me, I felt a change coming. And I wanted to be a part of that change. Then I felt myself change from a stance of anger and disbelief to empowerment and embracing the call.

The days leading up to the 9th July got really nasty. The government warned of riot, arrest, violence, death by silat, you name it. This made me even more determined to go. Despite the threats, surprisingly I wasn't afraid. In my mind, perfect love casts out all fear. Hang on, love, did I say? For the first time in a long time it dawned on me, I actually LOVE this country!

One day, I was reading my bible and I read these verses. It sealed the deal for me. I was going out to the streets on the 9th of July:

“IF you do away with the yoke of oppression,
   with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
THEN your light will rise in the darkness,
   and your night will become like the noonday.
The LORD will guide you always;
   he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
   and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
   and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
   Restorer of Streets with Dwellings." - Isaiah 58: 9b-12

I ajak-ed my husband but he was sharing at Youth that day. No objection = good sign. I called my dad to 'test the water' and he said he might join me. Then I checked with mum, she said "Go ahead, young people should go." I asked her to come along, she said she wasn't good at running. There was no excuse not to go now.

Leading up to the 9th of July and on the day itself, friends fed me information, passed out notes on what to do if I got arrested, coordinated meeting points, split us into groups, kept our families informed, prayed.... list goes on. I didn't feel alone.

Time for action.

The night before the Saturday, we gathered together to pray and talked about where we should meet and how to hide our yellow. The prayer gathering was God-sent because I learnt that by praying, we're humbling ourselves to acknowledge that our numbers are helpless to fight such a big cause but we're putting our hopes of transformation in a mighty, mighty God.

Saturday came. I'm sure you've seen the videos and read accounts by now. I'll attach some links below in case you missed them (read: live in a cave). I didn’t take any photos or any notes about the order of events. Thank God for those who did! I was just soaking in the atmosphere (and the rain).

Here are some of my favourite pictures -

It was an experience I'll never forget. Through the shouts of 'Hidup, hidup; Hidup Rakyat' and 'Bersih, Bersih, Pilihanraya' I saw a vision of unity never before seen. Through the tear gas and the rain, people from all races, age and walks of life protected each other, offered salt and water for relief, chided those who went out of line (with chants of 'Keadilan' or 'Hancur BN') and prevented each other from making a mess out of a good thing. Lots of people were there for different reasons, but it was clear on everyone's mind that those reasons were not above the agenda on this very day - hope for a truly Bersih, democratic Malaysia.

We tried to be nice to the police officers but didn’t want to go too close in case we gave them a reason to arrest us. But I could tell some of them were just doing their jobs and awestruck at the sheer scale of people passionate for the cause.

Every route we took towards Stadium Merdeka was blocked so we were like cattle, penned in and headed nowhere. The thought of giving up and going home did occur a few times. It felt silly not knowing where we're going and knowing all the appointed leaders were already either arrested or injured. It felt so 'headless chicken' not knowing our ultimate destination. But thoughts of retreat diminished with each tear gas attack. Each time, after the sting of the teargas had subsided, people called out encouragements to rejoin the cause and stay together. My eyes, nostrils, mouth and throat were getting used to the burning sensation by then. I didn't care if I was walking into a cloud of gas, bring it on. I was motivated by the heart of the crowd. I followed them like they were family. With each step, I was slowwwly beginning to catch the drift.

"Of course we were not going to get into Stadium Merdeka or march towards Istana Negara. The police wouldn't have spent all this effort breaking us up and then just let us march there eventually," I concluded. Others seemed to have understood sooner that it was about staying together as much as we can, despite efforts to break us up. That was our statement of intent, as my friend Daniel put it- that was the memorandum! Despite being tens of thousands (10, 20, 50 thousand?) strong, it wasn't difficult to move us, halt us or redirect us because we were all there for the same reason and we trusted each other's intentions. Yes, there was hesitation at first that those giving out directions were set up to sabotage us, but as the faces grew more familiar the fear dissipated. And finally we made it to KLCC at around 4pm and before we knew it news broke that it was time to disperse.

So at the end of it all, was Bersih 2.0 a success? Depends on who you ask. For me, it was beyond successful. It brought out the best of Malaysians living out acts of kindness even the organisers could not have planned for.

When I got home, I took my time to read the flow of messages and prayers for our safety. They were so encouraging. I didn't feel like a hero, though. I felt humbled and honoured to be a part of a people so full of potential for great things. Passionate, kind, loving and peaceful Malaysians. Malaysia won me over that day. Through this experience, I learnt many things. If you have to see it to believe it, I SAW it that fateful Saturday.

Priceless Lessons

• Fear is a powerful way to disarm your enemy. God is anti-fear because He is love. Love casts out all fear.
• In strange, uncertain times, pray, don't panic. e.g. when I felt the gas hit me and my glasses were completely rained out and I couldn't see, I prayed like crazy. It kept my mouth moving so I wouldn't inhale all that teargas. So effective.
• When people are united and have a clear purpose, it's easy to mobilise even without a leader present and without clear strategy or detailed instructions. 'Being' was the goal. We were being Malaysians who loved justice.
• I learned that if people laid down their own agenda to unite for a bigger cause, small things (like drinking water from the same bottle, people shouting allahu akbar in your ears, smelly BO, people giving you wrong directions) didn’t matter too much.
• I am in the company of visionary people - my family, my business partner, my friends, my church, my former youth leader (who got arrested but now released), and all 30,000+ of people who were there that day. They are visionary because they are far-sighted. Their view span across generations ahead of them and not just their current comfort and well-being. I'm so proud of them.
• I am free!

Useful Links:

Al-Jazeera Video Footage
Video: Malaysians March Together
Video: 709 This is Our Land
Simon's account
Judith’s account
Daniel’s account
Twitter feed of #bersihstories
Channel News Asia report & Daniel's 30 seconds of fame